I swear that I'm not a whiney twit all the time

I feel like lately all of done is whine. I promise, I really do love my life but at times it's difficult and I don't necessarily like it. Plus, February is just not the best month right now:

February 5th was 4 years that we've been TTC with no success.
February 14th is Valentine's Day (well and my oldest brother's birthday, which is of course a good thing <3) and while it's not an uber-important day to me, it's definitely a difficult day during deployment.
February 15th was the WTF appointment with our RE and part of the news was not good (more on that in a minute).
February 16th (today) is our third wedding anniversary and he's in a war zone.
Two out of four of our dogs are limping (one of them is a senior dog).
Lately the babes have been sleep fighting.
Today I had to cancel my hair appointment, the one thing that I have been looking forward to since the failed cycle, because our girl got sick and had to be picked up from preschool.
I emailed and called my therapist this week but haven't heard back from her.
I texted my local BFF last week, haven't heard back from her.

Yes, I know that "this too shall pass."I know that other people have it worse and yes, I love the babes and am thankful for them. I know that I am blessed with an amazing husband who calls me from over there as much as possible and who is still alive and relatively safe. And yes, I love our crazy zoo and would not trade any of them for the world. I am just having a tough time right now and apparently need to vent, A LOT.

Perhaps the hardest thing was the WTF appointment with the RE. I learned that we are now dealing with some MFI (male factor issues) regarding morphology and quality....as if my PCOS and endometriosis were not enough. The RE does not want to use any more of the frozen samples that P left and instead recommends a fresh IVF cycle after P gets home and after he has a SA to test his swimmers. I am just overwhelmed at the thought of doing another IVF and at the thought of paying for it (99% that we've used up my insurance benefit). We still have one frozen embryo but our RE is not crazy about thawing and transferring only one embryo but the success rate is not that great. No matter what, I am relieved to be on a break for a few months. As our RE said, I have "too much" going on right now and need to focus on me.

So yeah, I will take the next few months to focus on me as much as I can with 2 kids and a zoo. I also plan to find some way to make friends, reliable friends, in this place. I love my internet friends but it's not like I can teleport y'all here to me ;)

Want to feel like myself again

Just over 2 weeks since the BFN from the failed IVF cycle (wow, it seems like so much longer than that) and I still feel like I'm on hormones. Sore ovaries, headaches, bloat (though that is going down) and little to no energy. I tried to start P90X but I think it was too soon. I'll start it after AF comes again. Until then I will do yoga every day since I can pretty much always handle a moderate yoga workout.

On a happy note, the kids are doing GREAT! We went to BWW for dinner last night and they loved it! This weekend is finally a weekend of sun and moderate temps so after we eat a late breakfast, mail some care packages to P and get SB's hair cut, we will go somewhere and enjoy the weather...I'm thinking Garden of the Gods. Since the kids have gotten here, the weather has been so cold and they have been sick on and off so I haven't gotten to show them much of the city. We will definitely change that today. I cannot wait!!!

Ok, so off I go to get ready for the day. I am determined to get back to my old self!

Exhausted-warning, whining ahead

I am exhausted. Lately both babes are fighting any sort of sleep. I finally got J to sleep (after much crying) only to have SB launch a toy from her crib into his and then start her exorcist screaming. Currently she is in timeout while I type this. And yes, I am most definitely drinking wine.

I am out numbered.
I am tired.
I am sick of deployment.
I am sicking of fucking ovarian cysts that are so painful they wake me up
I am tired of negative temperatures, snow and ice (well, these wouldn't be so bad if my damn 4WD vehicle was in operating condition).
I am damn fucking sick of infertility.

Also, it looks like another one of our dogs has hip dysplasia :-( That makes 2 dogs with hip/joint problems, 1 with doggy dementia and 1 with adjustment issues (not including the fact that 3 out of 4 have skin allergies and both males have separation issues).

Tomorrow I will put my big girl panties back on but right now I will pour another glass of wine and have a pity party.