Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day by Day.....

I haven't gone a day without crying.

I haven't gone a day without praying that it wasn't true.

Some days I am hopeful and hopeless at different times on the same days.

Everyday I am terrified that FET will not work.

Everyday I thank God for my family, friends and especially my amazing husband who makes me feel supported all the way from Afghanistan.

I have a plan because, well....plans make me feel better and more in control. I have become a BeachBody coach and plan to work through P90X (for a second time, love it!) and then Insanity so that I can get in shape and lose the IUI/IVF weight that I've gained over the past 2 years. I really want to make my BeachBody business work so that we can become debt free and so that we can save up money for future infertility treatments. My goal this week is to get through all the BB training so that I can really get started in this. For me, it's not just about making money; it's also about helping people improve their lives and get healthy. Here are my sites (so far) (My BeachBody page) and (my Shakeology page). I drink the chocolate Shakeology everyday and I freaking love it! Look for more posts on here about me getting in shape and helping others :)

My health/fitness goal is to lose 2 dress sizes, which will get me back to where I was before starting injectable infertility medications. It is a totally do-able goal for me. Also I'll be smokin' hot for P when he returns from deployment :)

I realize that there is no way that I can do FET without P here. Doing this fresh IVF cycle without him here, while being solely responsible for the kiddos was way too stressful. I have my WTF appt with the RE next month and I plan to talk to him about FET in detail, including letting him know my reasons for waiting. This failed IVF cycle has just been so emotionally and physically draining....I now know that I need P here with me for support.

I could not have gotten through this without the amazing support from my friends online. Seriously, y'all are a lifeline to me. Yo have people who understand, support me and don't judge me is so wonderful. I love y'all.


  1. (((hugs)))
    You know we're all here for you, but we're no substitute for P. Love you bunches!

  2. Dear Bella, I am so sorry.
    Big hug, let me cry with you.
    If I was you I would wait too.
    Good luck with your beach body business. I sold Herbalife shakes at one time of my life and really enjoyed it and learnt a lot about nutrition too.

  3. ((Hugs))

    Good luck with your business and your goals. I really like some of their workout videos so I'll keep you in mind when I order :)

  4. I'm so sorry the IVF didn't work out. I totally understand why you are waiting for hubby to get back before FET, I can't believe how much you have on your plate at the moment! New children, new business, IVF and husband in Afghanistan...Each one of these on it's own is a lot to deal with. Remember to take care of yourself too!! *hugs*

  5. We are all here for you just as you are for us! <3 HUGS to you!!

  6. First -- how is it I just started following your blog today? I feel like a TOTAL jack ass! I don't know how I missed it but let me please apologize!

    Second - I agree with you about having a plan. My friend and I joke about "the circle of control". There are some things in the circle and some things that simply are not. In times of stress, I like to remind myself what I CAN control and what I can't. It sounds like you're doing that... and that will help. That all being said, I totally understand where you're at. Between hormones, the process, the commitment and the hope -- IVF's can be cruel bitch goddesses. It's natural to feel everything you're feeling. It's a process and let yourself work through it. In the mean time, like @Lovin Ma Soldier said, we're here. *hugs*

  7. I find that we find out just how strong we are when we go through such disappointment$ you are so, so strong to have gone through this w/out your DH. I admire you. Hang in there. We're here if you need to scream or cry or vent. Xoxo

  8. Again, I am so sorry you've had to do through this disappointment. You've had such a rough couple of months, and I am so hopeful things turn around for you soon. Thank you for taking us on this journey with you. Means a lot.


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