Mommy Monday

Today the babes and I met our permanent caseworker and I like her a lot! We'll call her M :) M is a parent herself and she was so easy to talk with. The babes interacted with her very well and were on their cutest behavior :) She'll be coming out here once a month to make sure that the babes are okay, I'm okay and to check to see if we need any support services.

I filled her in on their last doctor's appointment, the speech therapy referral and my relationship with their birth mom (my SIL). I also talked with her about how well they have adjusted, especially our niece SB. We talked about SB not being in play therapy and how I have not seen a need for it.

All in all the visit was about 40 minutes and was completely stress free. We have set an appointment for next month and I actually look forward to seeing her. I almost forgot-she also mentioned that in April, SIL's caseworker will looking at starting the process of terminating SIL's parental rights.....that's only 2 months from now. As much as I know that she most likely will never be able to parent due to her paranoid schizophrenia, my heart hurts for her.

So, to my adoptive parents/foster parents/guardians/potential adoptive parents-how do you handle caseworker visits? Do they stress you out? Do you get along with your caseworker? What do the kids think?

Day by Day.....

I haven't gone a day without crying.

I haven't gone a day without praying that it wasn't true.

Some days I am hopeful and hopeless at different times on the same days.

Everyday I am terrified that FET will not work.

Everyday I thank God for my family, friends and especially my amazing husband who makes me feel supported all the way from Afghanistan.

I have a plan because, well....plans make me feel better and more in control. I have become a BeachBody coach and plan to work through P90X (for a second time, love it!) and then Insanity so that I can get in shape and lose the IUI/IVF weight that I've gained over the past 2 years. I really want to make my BeachBody business work so that we can become debt free and so that we can save up money for future infertility treatments. My goal this week is to get through all the BB training so that I can really get started in this. For me, it's not just about making money; it's also about helping people improve their lives and get healthy. Here are my sites (so far) http://beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/liberalgranola (My BeachBody page) and http://myshakeology.com/esuite/home/liberalgranola (my Shakeology page). I drink the chocolate Shakeology everyday and I freaking love it! Look for more posts on here about me getting in shape and helping others :)

My health/fitness goal is to lose 2 dress sizes, which will get me back to where I was before starting injectable infertility medications. It is a totally do-able goal for me. Also I'll be smokin' hot for P when he returns from deployment :)

I realize that there is no way that I can do FET without P here. Doing this fresh IVF cycle without him here, while being solely responsible for the kiddos was way too stressful. I have my WTF appt with the RE next month and I plan to talk to him about FET in detail, including letting him know my reasons for waiting. This failed IVF cycle has just been so emotionally and physically draining....I now know that I need P here with me for support.

I could not have gotten through this without the amazing support from my friends online. Seriously, y'all are a lifeline to me. Yo have people who understand, support me and don't judge me is so wonderful. I love y'all.

Auto Draft

Not pregnant

Beta was negative. I am devastated. I can't stop crying. I am terrified to do FET, which won't happen til P gets home (my choice).

To all my friends, you are amazing. The love & words of support mean more than I can ever explain <3

Auto Draft

Wordless Wednesday

[caption id="attachment_820" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="This is what I am envisioning everyday <3 "][/caption]

4dp5dt

For those of you who think that one of the kids or furbabies typed the title, that's 4 days post 5 day transfer :-D

My boss ordered me to not come into work today-she wants me to have another day of bed rest. So I took the kiddos to preschool and I am camped out on the couch :) My plan today is TV, snuggling with dogs, napping and eating. Oh, and trying not to obsess about this whole IVF thing.....

So here in the spirit of not obsessing, here's what's been going on since the 5dt :) I have been exhausted and hungry like all the time! I am sure that a lot of me being tired is due to the progesterone supplement but the appetite, I have no idea. My boobs are sore and huge (thank you progesterone) and I am peeing more during the night. I've had a couple of bouts of random nausea and I am craving steak and baked potatoes like every day. I also had cramping on and off yesterday and one weird cramping episode that actually woke me up at 0330 in the morning. I am praying that those were implantation pains.

So yeah....I am remaining super hopeful and praying literally all the time that this is our cycle. I go for my bets test next week, right before P's birthday...a BFP with a strong beta number would be the best present ever!