I feel like lately all of done is whine. I promise, I really do love my life but at times it's difficult and I don't necessarily like it. Plus, February is just not the best month right now:
February 5th was 4 years that we've been TTC with no success.
February 14th is Valentine's Day (well and my oldest brother's birthday, which is of course a good thing <3) and while it's not an uber-important day to me, it's definitely a difficult day during deployment.
February 15th was the WTF appointment with our RE and part of the news was not good (more on that in a minute).
February 16th (today) is our third wedding anniversary and he's in a war zone.
Two out of four of our dogs are limping (one of them is a senior dog).
Lately the babes have been sleep fighting.
Today I had to cancel my hair appointment, the one thing that I have been looking forward to since the failed cycle, because our girl got sick and had to be picked up from preschool.
I emailed and called my therapist this week but haven't heard back from her.
I texted my local BFF last week, haven't heard back from her.
Yes, I know that "this too shall pass."I know that other people have it worse and yes, I love the babes and am thankful for them. I know that I am blessed with an amazing husband who calls me from over there as much as possible and who is still alive and relatively safe. And yes, I love our crazy zoo and would not trade any of them for the world. I am just having a tough time right now and apparently need to vent, A LOT.
Perhaps the hardest thing was the WTF appointment with the RE. I learned that we are now dealing with some MFI (male factor issues) regarding morphology and quality....as if my PCOS and endometriosis were not enough. The RE does not want to use any more of the frozen samples that P left and instead recommends a fresh IVF cycle after P gets home and after he has a SA to test his swimmers. I am just overwhelmed at the thought of doing another IVF and at the thought of paying for it (99% that we've used up my insurance benefit). We still have one frozen embryo but our RE is not crazy about thawing and transferring only one embryo but the success rate is not that great. No matter what, I am relieved to be on a break for a few months. As our RE said, I have "too much" going on right now and need to focus on me.
So yeah, I will take the next few months to focus on me as much as I can with 2 kids and a zoo. I also plan to find some way to make friends, reliable friends, in this place. I love my internet friends but it's not like I can teleport y'all here to me ;)
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First off, do NOT apologize for whining. It's your blog and you can do whatever you want on here my friend. And you're not whining... you're sharing and venting. You have a lot on your plate & you've just been handed even more to process so pat yourself on the back for being strong enough to handle it (which in case you didn't know, you so are). You know I'm a total Becca fan and you deserve every happiness. Be good to yourself, take the time you need (& that you can manage) and remember that we are all here & we SO understand. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteWe have a minor male issue too, although they have always said it is "okay". Whatever. I know it is hard to step away, just try to focus on what the future may hold. It is hard, so hard, and nobody gets it.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been hard to go to your WTF appt alone. I'm sorry that you had to do that.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
Haha, I just noticed what it says above the comment box.